Tiredness and paranoia

I woke early yesterday; earlier than normal. I got up at 7am, had breakfast and listened to the radio. At around 9am I started to feel fatigued, so I went back to bed and slept for an hour. I did my usual morning routine of watching a morning TV chat show and getting ready for work. I left for work at 12.45, getting there as usual at 1pm.

The shift was a litle more frantic than usual; we'd had a power blackout the previous day which meant no computers so we had done other tasks. However that meant yesterday (ironically Friday 13th) we had the work building up like a snowball. I was looking after faxes and emails of which there were hundreds. Normally I batch them up by halfway through the shift then work on registering them into the system, but come 4.30pm I was still sorting and batching, there were so many. It was around this time that my tiredness was at its peak, and a bizarre thing happened.

One of my co-workers got a dressing down for something from our co-ordinator. Shortly after another co-worker began whispering something to another worker, and they got the giggles. Soon it was just me and the other three workers on the floor; I was fixed on my terminal, but they were bunched up the back sniggering. I was convinced they said snatches of jokes aimed at me; at one stage I thought I heard them say "faxes and emails". 10 to 5 came, my knock-off time, and as I sorted my papers they were still giggling and I had to fight to stop myself from saying "I know what you're doing" or "You think you're so funny don't you?". I left hurriedly, saying a muted goodbye.

As I left and walked to my car, a snippet from the horror movie Carrie came into my head: "They're all gonna laugh at you!!!" (as said by Carrie's fervently religious mother before Carrie goes to the prom). I looked at the youths at the skate park a couple of hundred mentres away, and thought they were calling and crowing about me.
I got into my my car and focused on driving safely home, despite feelings of wanting to get alcohol and wipe out the paranoia I was feeling. Once home I quickly took my nightly dose of Zyprexa and sat down with a non-alcoholic drink, then rang a friend and then, only then, did the feeling and thoughts subside.

I learned a lesson; when I am overtired I can interpret things in a paranoid way. There was every chance that the gigglefest from my co-workers was aimed at the co-ordinator who is not well respected. Even if it was aimed at me, my friend was quick to point out "they're a bunch of dickheads", and not to worry myself over them. Today, the morning after I am not worried anymore. Just glad my schizoaffective has raised it's ugly head then gone again; a reminder to look after my sleep a bit better.