Been feeling flat the past few days. Normally I keep it to myself; don't want to be a killjoy or burden. My friend noticed it yesterday: "you really are down aren't you?" she noted. She didn't try to problem-solve, just hung out with me at my place while I cooked for her and we watched some DVD's. She gets depression too, so we didn't need to really talk about it. I was just grateful she was there.
A counsellor from the mental health group I attended commented on my flat mood today too. I was attending a quit smoking course being run for free there. I wasn't trying to be glum, just couldn't inject enthusiasm into my verbal or facial expression.
I'm dreading the nightly "how has your day been?" call from my Mum. She doesn't handle me being flat very well; tends to wring her hands in despair or just get exasperated with me. I can fake enthusiasm for a ten minute phonecall though; sometimes it's easier than trying to 'justify' being depressed.
That's just it: the need to justify, to reassure that it will pass, which it will. I'm fortunate; my flat moods do tend to pass relatively quickly. I've only felt like this since Tuesday, unlike other times when the mood has persisted for weeks or even months. If it happened more frequently I'd be more proactive about trying to assist myself to rise out of it, eg: walking, avoiding excess caffeine and smokes, trying not to isolate.....all that palava.
On the plus side I have kept up with basic housework.
I haven't drank since Monday when I got obliterated on red wine (cask red....paint stripper).
I get out of bed in the morning by 8am most days. I shower etc. So things haven't really hit the skids yet.
Am seeing the clinical psychologist tomorrow. Hope to get some things sorted. This mood fucking sucks. Out foul stench out!!!!!
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