When I give talks to schools and the like about having schizoaffective disorder, I describe it as being like a cross between Bipolar and Schizophrenia, which can be misleading. It may seem as though I deal with depression, mania and psychosis together on a concurrent or revolving basis. That is not, and has never been the case with me.
To divvy it up, I am depressed (to varying degrees) around 92% of the time; manic (to varying degrees) around 7.5% of the time, leaving a paltry 0.5% of my days and nights in a psychotic or paranoid way. These stats can fluctuate dramatically when I get significantly unwell (eg: borderline hospital to being in hospital). I should add that I've only been hospitalised 3 times in my life, and been significantly unwell maybe a dozen times.
The mix between mania, depression and psychosis for me might be more evenly spread if I didn't comply with medication, or if the meds I were on weren't working for me. I've been on the following meds for over 18 months and have been stable;
Morning: 200mg Epilim (Sodium Valproate; a mood stabiliser);
375mg Lithium (mood stabiliser)
30mg Cymbalta (anti-depressant)
Vitamin D capsules x2
Evening: 1000mg Epilim
375mg Lithium
Pre-Bed: 12.5mg Zyprexa (primarily an anti-psychotic, but also with anti-depressant qualities).
My doctor has me on low levels of Lithium and Epilim in tandem as they can cause damage to the kidneys and liver respectively; hence a smaller dose of each to minimise harm. He's mentioned there's a new antipsychotic from Europe which is weight neutral that he's interested in trying on me in the future. We tried Zeldox (another antipsychotic) and it made my leg "ping" up involutarily so we stopped it. Basically I've got to seek alternatives to Zyprexa as it makes me ferociously hungry and sees me ballooned out at around 86kgs; most of it in my torso. Heart risk, diabetes 2 risk etc etc.
Getting back to my initial point: the spread of mood and thoughts, which, by the way, is an accurate way of describing schizoaffective disorder: it is a mood (bipolar) and thought (schizoid) disorder. For me the mood side of it has been socially alienating: unbearable when severely depressed or manic.
The one which has hit me in the guts harder has been when I become severely paranoid and lose logic in my thought patterns. It's not a Beautiful Mind at all: it's horrific, distorted, sinister and terrifying. There's nothing like losing logic, even if it is for only a few days or so. I lost it for months back in 2003. I see it lost in a colleague of mine at Lifeworks where I'm doing a quit smoking course. This woman gets a monthly injection for her schizophrenia, and I sense her fragility and the way she seems so raw to all her surroundings. I feel for her.
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