I am trying to wrestle away from Tattslotto thinking. It's a state of mind when I buy more lotto tickets per week than I can afford (around $70 worth) in the vain bid that I will win the top prize of however many million dollars and will never have to work and be able to spend on things like a holiday (my last holiday was a package trip to Tasmania in 1996. It cost me around $700.) I'd also love to help out family and friends financilly too. And to donate to worthy causes, like housing for the homeless and food vouchers and essential stuff.
I know what it's like to be homeless; I've been there. Not literally out on the street, but living in a boarding house littered with ex-crims and junkies and alcoholics. I've shared emergency accomodation with prostitues and con artists where you had a lock on your bedroom out of neccessity. I've rationed my cigarettes to 10 per day due to the high cost of boarding houses, and saved up for cheap and filling food, like peanuts and bananas because the meals were stingy.
I'm lucky I've found secure affordable housing now, but I think to a degree I've earned it.
Anyway, back to the lotto. I know this is dangerous territory for me because it's a form of escapism which can lead to me wanting to have a booze binge. It'd probably be a one-nighter, but doesn't assist me long term. What I need is relief from healthier things, like walking daily (this hasn't happened for weeks, the weather's turned cold), socialising (ditto), looking after my health and diet, pursuing leisure activities. Basically living life and enjoying it. Accepting reality, not living for some unlikely fantasy (like winning the lotto).
I also want to address something I didn't explain fully last post: the value of working. When I drive home from work I have a modicum of self-esteem in knowing I did an honest day's work. I was useful. I was needed. I belonged somewhere. That's how work can make me feel.
