Slowing down after a heady couple of weeks of mini mania; my Doc adjusted my meds and thankfully gave me a PRN non-addictive drug for when I get stressed to the max, instead of drinking to calm down. Its a newer version of Largactil (chloropromozine) but has the same Hit You Like A Truck effect; ie- makes you settled and woozy but not really in a nice way like the benzo family does. At least I didn't have to go to hospital; I hate hospital.
Last Monday I had the inglorious combination of mania and PMS (sorry to those who find mention of this distasteful, but some female readers mights be able to relate, hence I mention it). It's like irritability and anxiety on steroids when it happens. I was very verbally aggressive to two people on the phone; its like my shoulders sprouted one of the Gorgon Sister's heads. So the Medusa bitch with snakes for hair was spitting venom. I've apologised to my friend for being feral; the other person was a Psych Triage phone worker who was winding me up and should have known better, so no apology there. Anyway it's passed now.
I spent a lot the past week; around $250 on plants and pots etc for the garden (that's a lot for a disability pensioner) along with a few bits and pieces. I'm getting into gardening atm which I find a calming activity. Even weeding is good!
My Psychiatrist wanted me to try and socialise more and get out of my hermit-like ways. I like being a hermit most of the time. I have become a very solitary beast.
I miss company regularly; don't misunderstand me. I guess I have had some bad experiences with people I've befriended in AA over the past decade or so (which was my only real social outlet at that time as well). I'm still in touch with Diana, who does AA; she's ok. She readily agrees that there's a lot of "sick" people in 12 step fellowships. I know I can be odd a lot of the time, that's another reason I'm tentative about getting to know people. Everyone has their quirks I suppose.
