Hospital awaits.....

Found out today that I'm more likely to spend 2 or 3 weeks in hospital for this meds change.  Have made the neccessary arrangements; ie: tell the boarding kennel where my dog will go; tell my neighbour who is getting my mail and watering my plants; tell my parents.  Feel a bit twitchy about being there longer than a week, for as anyone who has been in psych hospital knows, it is BORING.  It's also a bit frustrating now that the smoking laws have changed; you have to smoke off the hospital premises, which sort of rules out the smokes which go;

             - wake up first thing, get a coffee and have one in your pajamas
             - have one when you can't sleep at night with a glass of milk
             - have one virtually any time you really need it.

Also I'll be at the mercy of the nurses; if they say go back to bed you can't smoke now, I have disobeyed them in the past, and they give in.  But just for one time only.  Then they play hardball.  They basically like to have everyone asleep by 10pm, which is impossible.  I find the nurses are sometimes great, but mostly like schoolteachers who treat you like you are a naughty child.  There are always noises in hospital too, so sleep is never great.

The biggest conundrum is What To Do: the real sick people get to do art therapy.  The rest have to amuse themselves.  So I'm bringing in a portable DVD player and some DVD's; a wordfinder puzzle book and a copy of the Da Vinci Code.  That'll keep me occupied for a bit.  I generally keep to myself when in hospital. Sometimes you befriend someone, but mostly I don't seek friends.

I'll be allowed out to do AA meetings and meet friends and family etc.  That's a blessing.

The food's good.  Be nice not to have to shop and cook.  I'll save a little money.  Best put towards the extra it will cost to have my dog minded for the longer period.

I just hope I take to the Saphris ok and don't go manic or psychotic once off the Zyprexa.

Second night of taking Saphris

 

I've just put my 2nd Saphris wafer under my tongue; the first was last night.

Tingling feeling, a bit burny, like the lozenges you get for smoking cessation.  Not a totally foul taste as has been described by others; certainly unpleasant though.

It's a sort of intense bitter along with chemicals.  Catiously I have been swallowing my saliva as it says not to swallow the wafer direct, so I am careful to see that it has dissolved.  A bit numb in my tongue.  Otherwise, so far, so good.

The only other effects I felt last night were:

                     - I felt a bit drowsy about an hour after taking it
                     - my limbs felt a bit heavy and sore an hour or so afterwards (hence I took it at 10pm like                        
                     tonight)
                     - I had some crazy vivid dreams
                     - my legs felt a bit restless, not twitchy; just felt a need to eg: jiggle them, walk etc
                     - I awoke to see my dog on the bedsheets away from the doona which was wrapped up in my
                      legs; I must have thrashed about a bit in my sleep
                     - I felt a bit more clear-headed by mid-morning than I usually do.

I have reduced the Zyprexa from 15 to 10mg at night, along with commencing the Saphris 5mg at night.  The plan is to go into hospital for a week or so on Wednesday.  Hopefully I won't get leg twitching, which would rule out Saphris for me as it did the Lamictal a few years back.  If my driving accelerator leg twitched, it could be diabolical.  Hence I can't have twitches.

I have to wait another 5 minutes before I can eat or drink anything; there has to be a clear 10 minute window after putting the Saphris under the tongue to allow for full absorption.

I'm a little concerned about hospital as I tend to be vulnerable to being bullied (happened last time) and people in hospital tend to act a bit like gang mentality in my experience.  I'll just keep my head down and not buy into anything best I can.

My Psychiatrist will hopefully lower the Zyprexa further once I'm in hospital and bring up the Saphris levels.  I see most people on crazyboards.org take their Saphris morning and night.  I hope I don't have to do this as it really makes you drowsy for a while.  We'll see.

Discovering a new online community for Crazies

Dah dee dah, dah dee dah.....................

Sweetbejaysus its another warm night here in Melbourne!


Enough for me to ramp up the Pepsi Max, stay up late while the crickets chirp and go trawling on a new site I've discovered:

http://www.crazyboards.org

It's been very enlightening to read up the threads in posts, particularly other peoples' experiences on medications.  Of course, what works for one person may be diabolical for another, thanks to our unique DNA.  I read a few people hail Abilify as a wonderdrug for depression and psychosis, whereas it made me wooden and paranoid, so there you go.

I'm lumbering out of a depression of sorts which had descended after Xmas: I last drank on Xmas day and it took over a week for my bashed up liver to process all the toxins I had poured into it for about a ten day bender from 15/12 to 25/12.  There was no major reason for my imbibing, just bored, lonely: they're the 2 main ones which see me seeking alcohol.  Anyway I haven't drunk since Xmas and hope to keep it that way as long as I can with the help of AA and New Life program and counselling.  New Life used to be called Women for Sobriety; it focuses more on the present and future than AA does, which I see as positive.

I've been lucky enough to be granted a Home-Based Outreach worker as referred to by my Psychiatrist.  Zoran comes and visits me at home once a week to help me with my goals, like self-care and self-management.
I'm lucky that I see him for gratis as I am a pension concession-card holder; thus it's funded by the government.  Zoran's been pivotal over the past month in encouraging me to use my C-Pap machine again for the sleep apnea.  It's worked for one night at least, I just have to get used to the mask, or face-hugger from Alien, ie:

Spot the difference??  Clue: one makes you wake up busting out of your skin, the other wakes you by bursting an alien out of your chest.....Still, an alarming similarity :(








Otherwise have put the jobseeking on hold while I am about to do a meds changeover: from Zyprexa to Saphris (antipsychotics).  My Psych said I could either go to hospital (private) for a week or so or have it eased in over a few months.  My initial reaction was Hospital; UGH: No Way, but I've since decided it might be the way to go, especially as I'm unemployed and don't have to take leave for it. I'd have to shell out the first $250 for the hospital stay but my health insurance will cover the rest (I pay $130 a month for private health cover which includes psychiatric hospital).  So I'm seeing my Doc on Wednesday and hopefully we can get the Saphris ball rolling.

My cousin is on Saphris and says she thinks a lot clearer than on her previous anti-psych.  I just can't wait for a drug that, unlike Zyprexa, doesn't make me want to load my fridge onto a dolly and tip its contents into my mouth!  I have put on about 10 kilos on the Zyprexa, although admittedly with good discipline I managed to get down to 75 kilos in 2009: I walked an hour a day and tried to limit the junk, which largely worked.  It's just tough getting the late night "Zyprexa Hungries" when you're in bed and are sleepy but are so hungry you have to get up and eat.  Occasionally I solve this by having a glass of milk but I tend to add it with chocolate or a museli bar.

Anyways, hoping to switch meds soon.  Happy Belated New Year to you and all that malarky.